Watch me while I bloom

talking with esther yesterday helped me realised so many things i didnt know about the plt, so many ppl i misunderstood. i think i have been a horrible pltmate. from now on i'm gonna try to be a better pltmate, a better friend. maybe then only then i can become a better cadet.

And we'll never get back
what we gave away
when we still have that fire in our eye

Thursday, April 30, 2009 // 11:47 PM

if it makes it any easier to bear to just let go, if there was anything at all to make me forget, i wont do it. i dun like feeling this way, feeling the loss of people i have come to care so much about, the people whom made me what i am today. i dun want to feel it but im glad its there cuz it makes me want to go on and leave a legacy for those to come like they have done for us. if there's anything i know, its that no matter how much harder it gets and they're not there i have my platoonmates to share those memories with

if i could say wad i want to say
i'd say i want to blow you...away...
be wit you everyday

Wednesday, April 29, 2009 // 7:24 AM

u just, just had to ruin a perfectly fine day. with one word. 'NO' ok 1st of all it was a perfect day thank you very much for asking. we had one period of lessons today and that was enough to lift my spirits but afterwards it was just omg. smiles all the way. so thx.thx for ruining it for me.im frigging 14 going on 15. i need to grow up so let me.i cant keep on living this way and u cant be with me all the time.just take a chance with me for once just one time

its weird but wonderful how other people's words even tho not directed at you individually make you so happy it makes you forget about other stuff.haha 'all smiles'

// 6:30 AM

you know sometimes life's like that. there will be people who piss you off but there are people who will always stand by you so dun be sad cuz in the end its the opinion of those you care about and who care about you really matter. so be strong k dear? you know who you are

Tuesday, April 28, 2009 // 6:39 AM

nice weather today.i love rainy days. it has a feel of subtle sadness yet there's a hint of gentleness in the cool breeze that blows after a storm. so i sat at the plt table today,revising after q and a session with the HPC nominees. i was sitting all alone, just enjoying the breeze, occasionally smiling at every other person that passes by and looking out at the PIE.its ironic really how two unseemingly different worlds are separated by a fence.the cars out side seemed to be in a rush to do what they have to and here i am in the school lazing around not even doing my work properly, too busy thinking and remembering. the view from here may not be a 1st class five star hotel view but it was familiar sight, a sight i knew so well, appreciated so little and have grown to love so much.especially on days like this when you're all alone and you're platoon mates have all gone home, the table is the only place i'll ever find the comforting presence of my platoon. and i dont ever want to change it. not ever because we've had so much memories and fun there it feels like when we're not in our classes we can expect someone to be there. sitting there i feel part of Bravo'09. i will treasure this because god knows how long we'll still be here. but right now im not afraid to be lonely anymore.ok maybe im getting too emotional and looking wayyy stupid cuz Beaunice the PSl with whom i had made no sort of communication whatsoever until now was actually laughing at my expression when i was deep in thought.HAHA

you sitting there at the other end opposite me made me think maybe, just, just maybe you might be feeling the same way that i do now about it. maybe about different people but i think it might just be the same feeling. just.

im trying to remember
why i was afraid
to be myself and let the
covers fall away

// 2:11 AM

im extremely paranoid right now. like i dun know how to put it in words cuz my head's a frigginh mess rite now.got literature and history stuck somewhere there and a lil bit of maths and sci at the corner but the main that's taking almost the whole place in my brain now is school..DUH! didnt see that coming did ya? such a horrible start to the week. but you know wad they say...

which is wad im doing rite now. pasting that smile permantely on my face and going around like i have not a care in the world. but wait turn around and take a look at things more carefully they're not all that they seem to be.people are not all that they seem to be. places are not all that they seem to be. but wad can i do? just suck it. suck it real good lick it up and spit it out.tats my motto

i wake up in the morning

put on my face

the one's that's gonna get me

thro another day

doesnt really matter

how i feel inside

this life is like a game sometimes

Monday, April 27, 2009 // 6:12 AM

shit i need to study.nxt nxt week's CTs. panic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! must do well or else no more NDP!!!!speaking of which it hasnt even started....

ok shut up

Sunday, April 26, 2009 // 1:57 AM

today was crap. waste of my time,day and life. i dont even want to type anymore..

just wanted to say im glad that we even went this far.im just glad we had a chance of being under your care.im just happy we had you.thx for everything you've done.thx for the memories.

Thursday, April 23, 2009 // 6:40 AM

school wasnt all that bad today. survived maths by actually paying attention..haha not bad. feel refreshed after maths lesson i forgotten how nice it feels to pay attention and understand a lesson rather than mugging and getting pissed off at the teacher at home.

CSP was uh confusing. i fell asleep halfway thro the lesson. got two annoying ppl writing names on the back of their hands with black eyeliner beside me during lesson. guess who? one of them is a cute-ass and the other is retarded loves playing the yo-yo.HAHA

Monday, April 20, 2009 // 4:19 AM

i hate cedar and its whole stupid system. i dont see the point of going for useless talks that seem to chronicle around the same damn thing.i dont see why we shld have maths homework every single day. i dont understand why we have to do projects instead of normal exams.thats wad IP is for. i'd rather study my brains out than waste my time writng reflestions anyway. it so messed up but they dont even know it.screw this school

i hate my class and its people.ok maybe not all of them but some anyway.i dont even think they care. i cant wait to get out of that class. im tired of seeing you and not knowing whether to smile or just run away. i want to talk to you sort things out but i cant seem to find the place or time where there isnit a group of eyes watching.i know i started this but now im regretting it and right now i justi dont want to lose our friendship.

i dont know wads holding me back anymore. the more i think about it the more it seems like its not worth it. is there even a place for me there? maryam asked me yesterday 'why so moody?' i said i didnt want to go back home. well i lied. i didnt want to come back to school and see the same old faces, the same old places. faces that hardly care, places with lack of people who hardly do. even the people whom i care most about and whom i trust to care about me seem far away and and unable to hear me.

i just want someone to hold me now and hold me tight, whisper into my ear 'its gonna be ok'

Saturday, April 18, 2009 // 7:17 AM

i tend to get tired easily these few days.today was one of those days where i feel like all i wanted to do when i got home was throw down my bag and jump onto my bed. but it i have to admit i feel sastisfied today

i skipped my recess wearning the stupid outfit and when i went down no one was there.junie was like' there's no one there khin!' 'OMG hurry up go up junie carry my tail run!' HAHAHA god why do these things happen to me?? teachers were like giving me tat 'why does she have a tail behind her ass?' look

i got separated from my beloved table partner Diviya today. no more "scandal scandal" ah.haha hey at least we have those toilet breaks to count on. i dun know how i'd survive maths lessons without you. I love you diviya!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009 // 6:59 AM

skipped ROBO again and stayed back in sch wit my plt mates for fun and just now my robo senior just called and asked me to quit. hardly surprising since i hadnt attend it since the beginning of year. congrats you just screwed another aspect of your life jasmine...wad nxt?

even elephants are going gay now (go read the news). Its kinda cool ya know homosexual zoo animals.i still dun really know wad i m tho

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 // 6:38 AM

changing skins are so tiring and sometimes it coincides wit ppl u dont know.thx for the heads up dee.and btw i tie my hair cuz is long NOT for other reasons get it? so dun think im copying someone gt better things to do than worry about who i look like. just so you're clear

i need to go on a diet

Sunday, April 12, 2009 // 1:42 AM

again its not the same anymore. god why???? i cant find the missing pieces i tot it was strong enough to last forever or at least until this year. i dun know wad to think or feel anymore i guess this is it. i dun even care about tomorrow anymore

i cant face them no not after wad happened. i dun want to either

Saturday, April 11, 2009 // 3:10 AM

watched slumdog millionaire on my com just now.halfway thro i was falling asleep.now im munching on my banana fritters and resorted to blogging

reflecting on that day i just wanted to say hey im sorry. we're all sorry. i dun speak for all of them but here it is anyway. tats all i can say rite now ya im sorry im not good enough

Friday, April 10, 2009 // 1:35 AM

wad can i say everybody's falling sick its like the 'IN' thing to do n ow. i feel like falling sick too. i want to have fever, runny nose, breathing difficulties and choke and gag to drive my thots away.fly fly away

ate a pile of Fruit Plus in class courtesy of Weeming and group. im the best PC ever. and thats when i realise i hate being one.i hate constantly having to tuck in my shirt, to pull up my socks and to pin up my hair.i dun have problems following the rules but i dun want people to have the impression that PCs are supposed to be perfect ALL the time.'what kind of PC are you?' shut up okk? you're not the boss of me. IM the boss of me! i hate it when people tell me wad to do get it? I HATE IT

Thursday, April 9, 2009 // 7:16 AM

i screwed CSP oral test.screwed it big time.all i heard was blahblahblahblahblah and some more blahblahblah.like look at me lady do i look like i understand a single word of the crap you're saying?you got me at whats your name but lost me when you went further.put a sock in it lah cann??i waited for 3 HOURS ok? 3 BLOODY HOURS to do wad? flunk the test?i mean seriously you want me to take the test at least submit my name to MOE first LAH!!i had to miss the volley ball match and wait and wait just because my name wasnt on the list?wtf

thank god for farhana who made the 1st half of my wait bearable wit ur paris hilton wannabe acts but u ain't got nothing on me..haha
'i think i dropped it by this mann hole..OW ITS FRIGGING HOT' HAHAH

Tuesday, April 7, 2009 // 6:58 AM

went swimming and spent a third of my allowance in just one day. YAY finally got 'twilight' in VCD.yes im a fan i have all the books and gonna buy all the VCDs if they make New moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. i luv it luv it luv it!! i think twilight saga is the only series of books worth buying.

'Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain.'-Bella Swan

Sunday, April 5, 2009 // 6:05 AM

today was 2.4. alamak i was 1 sec away from an A cannn??i told myself i had to endure but it wasnt the same when you didnt have the platoon there telling you to endure.jogging PT was much better and i managed to go on without stopping.and thats when i realised i loved yall so much so dun freak out if i had suddenly told you i loved you today.

today was so much fun.it is one of those moments that really make you look back and think 'hey life's not so bad afterall' i think i just might make it thro. playing netball with diviya, sara and tammy,taking pictures of our sweaty backs and going in and out of the toilet several times dodging when the NP people came running in and out of it was unexpectedly fun.

just finished 'Jane Eyre' and 'Wuthering heights'. Victorian classics are nice in a romantic but haunting kind of way. im gonna read the unabridged versions of the two books again and 'Pride and Prejudice' and 'Emma' too..

Friday, April 3, 2009 // 7:01 AM

my whole body is aching.every muscle in my body feels strained.tats wat you get after 23 rounds around the school.tmr gt 2.4 and jogging pt some more...the only reason i endured was i didnt want to disappoint you. i really thought it was the last time.

Never thought it’d be so hard to let you go,
Tell me how I’m gonna make it
You’re the one I can’t forget
It’s like I’m running in slow motion in a nightmare that never ends
When I try to face it when I wake up I hate the way reality sets in
God I wish you could hold me
Through the seven days of lonely

ADAM LAMBERT IS SMOKING HOT HOT HOT!!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 2, 2009 // 6:41 AM